Aside

So, I have had one of my most frustrating, disappointing and angriest  weeks on record.  Took me a second or two thinking who to thank for that one! ha.   I came home last Saturday to write the crown blog and was just jazzed that God kept shining His light on the crowns I plop on my queenly noggin that will deteriorate into dust when those trumpets sound.  As I dug in the Word and kept writing, my teen kids  kept asking me for things.  Usually they hide from me so I don’t ask them their feelings or to do any chores or who they are texting.  I felt like screaming at them to leave me alone.  My exact words were… ” Oh my Gosh…..I AM TRYING TO READ THE BIBLE    WHAT DO U NEED?  I AM THE ONLY ONE READING THE BIBLE HERE AND I AM THE MEANEST ONE! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?   While they all stared at me, we began to giggle and I said I think I am going to a long time out… buh bye.

I had to talk it out with God.  I didn’t understand the crowns He revealed.  I was surprised they were the worn out,  suffering laced  and grief ridden  crowns of my past… the ones that  aren’t often called on  to be worn for speaking gigs.  They refer more to a time of when “things just didn’t really work out”  no matter how hard I prayed.     I would have assumed God would have been more offended by my prancing around in my pridefilled crowns of

Didn’t Have Sex Before Marriage or

Read Through the Bible or

Senior Nursing Student of the Year  or

Led 20+  Bible Studies or

Homeschooled My Kindergartner for 6 Weeks or

Had 5 Kids and I’m Not Even Catholic.

Now , those are impressive. Not.   He has graciously revealed exactly what I have been wearing as my identity and that it will not fit me anymore.   To further explain, I have been carrying those crowns in my purse ( my baggage) ready to take out and throw on in an instant to

1.  Defend my behavior

2.  Emphasize my pain is worse than yours

3.  Worst of all…Try to Manipulate God

a.  remind Him I am still hurting

b. deliver the next “pain package” to someone else or keep it

c.  try to at least balance the pain and beauty I receive just to be fair.

Wow…I play a sick and complicated game.

God is the supreme teacher.  He revealed this info last Saturday.  I went to a Missions Dinner for my dtr on Sunday.  He wasted  no time checking to see if I had grasped the concepts.

We drive 45 minutes to Inola with directions of turn right at the tree.  Really.  My fussiness began….We go to church 10 minutes away in Tulsa  so we can get there in a jiffy. Turn right at a tree?  how country is that?  Reminded me of my childhood and how I really knew how to use those directions and how now I don’t and I wish I did.  We arrived.  I had met the youth pastor 2 times and knew no one else.  I am sending my dtr to Africa with people I didn’t know . .Nice.  No, I’m sending her to Africa with God.  Begin eating homecooked buffet potluck yum.  One dish tastes like Lysol.  Really?  I don’t trust any of it. So I just eat the potatoes I brought.  Ugh.  I am sending my dtr to Africa with someone who cooks with Lysol.  No, I am sending my dtr to Africa with God.  I go put my plate up after the Pastor talks about safety and how he has been there 5 or 6 times and we have insurance incase the kids get sick and have to come home or if they all need to be sent home.  I think of how we didnt have insurance when Nick died and my Dad had to pay for his funeral and cemetary plot and our friends bought his  headstone.  and I feel tears dripping.  A beautiful lady says, “oh, are you worried about sending your daughter to Africa?  You shouldn’t be worried.  Think how I feel, I just have one daughter,”  I was ready to pull my grief crown out, spit on it, shine it up and start in on the …..oh really?   welllllllll My first and only kid died. My next went to the Navy.  blah blah blah blahblah.. But God caught my wrist as I was reaching and whispered, “You don’t need the crown.  I wore the crown of thorns so you don’t have to wear one”

I sat down at my table and listened to someone I consider a new friend tell of the tragedy and pain of the past year of her life and I reached again for another crown to put on all in the name of “empathizing, ”  again I recognized a “no.”  I  just listened.   I wasn’t used to this new me though.  Anger rose up.  I wanted someone to hear my pain too. Still tearful the only child mama saw me on the way out and reminded me I would be ok.  My Christian heart wanted to punch her.  Where does that come from.  eeek.  I can’t stand myself.

I rounded the corner to the car and I felt Julia’s hand slip into mine as she asked, “has Daddy found out when we move yet?”  The last crown referenced in my last post  clanged in my imaginary purse and I didn’t even reach for it.  I think God  smiled.    We got lost on the way home. I wanted to fume. I continued to be challenged all week and  I know that I know I am on the right path.

God has revealed this week.

1.   I want all things to make sense.

2.  I want to be comfortable.

and He gave His comforting truth  balm….

Isaiah 55:8, 9  The Lord says, “My thoughts are not like your thoughts, Corinna.  Your ways are not like my ways.  Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your  thoughts.”

John 16:33  In this world, Corinna, you WILL have trouble.  But take heart, I have OVERCOME the world.   WOW….

Hugs all.

After the crown

My quest for the crown in high school and beyond

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The counselor ( who also happened to be the track coach)  stopped me in the  Quinter High School hallway, “You know you can be a star?  I see you run in PE out my window and I can make you a star.”  My freshman face blushes,  my nose scrinches up while I tell him I don’t really like running. He asks why I run so fast if I don’t like it?  I respond  “if I have to run, I want to win, but again…I don’t like to run.”   I respectfully walk away to class. The quick conversation had planted the seed, If I ran, I could be a star and wear the crown. Looking back, I realize I woke up each day ready for surprises  ..always hopeful.

to find money lying on the ground or in a payphone

to ace a test I didn’t study for

to finally wake up to the math gears clicking  in my head…(still hoping)

to walk to my locker and find chocolate and a note proclaiming undying love and affection from “that guy”

You get it.  Some have revealed they don’t have that crazy hope.  A friend hopes for quiet times and good conversations with her friends.  She doesn’t hope for  tangible things, at least not fickle tangible things. My husband reveals his hopes as …..hoping not to have a root canal, or hoping our 401 K doesn’t crash or hoping the kids can salvage something beautiful from the way we have raised them. None right or wrong in their hoping… just different.

So……… running attached itself to my hopes of wearing a crown. I ran track through high school  and although my brother can still recall the stats from my races and personal bests and records set, I can just tell you that I got lots of medals and I won several races.  Running allowed me 6 pieces of french toast or biscuits and gravy and anything else I wanted and not be concerned about my weight.  It introduced me to perservereing when I  was sweaty, redfaced and wanted to stop.  I learned the discipline of just showing up because I committed. I enjoyed  the challenge, but the winning didn’t fulfill all my hopes and dreams.  I stood on the Kansas State High School Track podium as the gold medal girl with her gold medal team.  It wasn’t the Olympics, but it was meaningful.

Running was great but being the Homecoming Queen would have been the icing on my cake of high school dreams. To have my name embroidered in the lining of the red velvet robe and to kiss the  winning guy ( as long as it wasn’t my cousin, Donnie who was in the  same grade), would establish my time at good ol’ QHS as meaningful and lasting.  I had no idea at the time how often it would bob to the surface later.   At least twice a year since graduating, I have heard, ” and you were probably the Homecoming Queen too? ”   The stab in my soul at the age of 47 surprises me.  . I recollect explaining to teachers that no, my name really isn’t even on the ballot.   Then I recall being the only senior cheerleader cheering that night as the other three sat beautifully on the float in their princess gowns reigning over the  kingdom of high schoolness.

Although it was my coffee girlfriend’s birthday today and I wanted it all to be about her.. my yearning for a crown came up in the conversation and my faithful and true friends (that wound and allow themselves to be wounded)   were on to something and wouldn’t let it go. I went to the bathroom, then moseyed over to get more creamer hoping the topic would move on to hairdos, pets or someone else’s problems.  I slid back into the booth and  the questions began,”  From where does this desire for the crown come ? What would your life and your response to it be if you would’ve been crowned 29 years ago? “

 Uggghhh   I must’ve had that look…., I heard , “are you fragile today?  can you handle all that we are giving you?”

 And then I hear me saying, “no, I need the truth.”

 Damn the crown and all other grippings and grief of my past pain.  It is quick, and sharp like a two edged sword.  I’m under the lights on the operating table, the Great Physician is giving me the option….”Shall I remove it? or do you want to pet it and love it and keep pursuing the crown that will never satisfy?”

No hesitation…..I am finished.

I am no longer “the girl who wasn’t even nominated for Homecoming Queen”

I am no longer “the mom who lost her baby”

I am no longer ” the girl who’s parents divorced”

I am no longer ” the girl who used to go to our church”

I am no longer “the girl who has to move even though when she doesn’t want to “

I am throwing away the mourning clothes and stepping out of the ashes.  Look out world. My eyes have not seen nor my mind imagined what God has for me. I will truly begin to  consider all things rubbish compared to the priceless gain of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord.

All things.   My need for the crown.  My being approved of.  My  perceived mama victories and failures.  My daughterhood.  My attendance at the right church.  My track medals.

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Phil 3:8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ 9and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God’s law, but I trust Christ to save me.

With a little more digging this morning, we found  there are five heavenly crowns mentioned in the New Testament that will be awarded to believers. They are the imperishable crown, the crown of joy, the crown of righteousness, the crown of glory, and the crown of life.  These will be given to those who are faithful.  This is just the background on my journey for the sparkly and brilliant.  Watch God teach me about the crowns…tbc.

Power in the Blood

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Power in the Blood

The raging first grader kicked the room divider and screamed relentlessly  as he worked himself into another  frenzy.  The teacher sat back and listened to “I hate you and I hope this place burns down,” as she gathered papers  and guided him to the timeout booth. She thought of her student’s home life.  Abuse, neglect, and pain radiated from his eyes while her  filing cabinent cradled the documentation in his chart. Fifteen minutes of hellish behavior caused all the children in the room to feel like a rubber band cocked around an unsteady thumb. What slight move would actually cause the undoing of the next one?  Singing calmed the boy. As the teacher hummed softly, he  tried to get his breath and find a focus.  She sang gently and he began to join her.  As he gasped for air, and wiped his tears they  finished the chorus together.  Walking back to his desk with his hand in hers, he looked up and found his peace in a line of the song, “there is power in the blood, Teacher.  There is power in the blood.”

                                   imagePower.  The writing girls and I were talking about power and owning up to whom/what  had power over each of us. I was able to quickly jot a list of 10 people and things that held a knife to my throat at times.  I quickly noticed, I didn’t even particularly like all of the people on my list.  Some I never even see anymore, but they remain powerful negative critics to which my heart stands at attention.  Others I don’t even know,  but I’m certain they wouldn’t approve.  At first, I huffed because I felt like they were stealing from me.  I then recognized I am freely handing power to them. This came as a surprise as I reviewed each name individually.  Some have spoken words that keep me from writing freely, speaking, loving wholeheartedly, forgiving, risking, and generally just enjoying my life.   Who do I want to hold that power in my life?  Easy one.  The King of the Universe.  He created me, knows my heart cry and is preparing my  future home.  He is trustworthy to keep me and all that I love.  He is FOR me. He died FOR me.   He set the example by giving up His divine privileges  So, like my heart doctor questioned, “I have no doubt you hear from the Holy Spirit, so why do you then take a vote?”  Why do I hand any power to people when  I can only trust God?   Why do I seek approval from certain people?  Why do I remain wounded over the rejection from particular friends or family?   Why do I question whether the path God has me on really is good?  Why do some of my things hold power over me….my piles of junque?  my papers?  the dress I wore to Nick’s funeral?  the now  worn sweatshirt I bought at Kif’s navy graduation?  my mom’s little jewelry jar?  Why do I give my children such power in that I will do almost anything to keep them pleased with me?

 I don’t want to ever be separated from their love.

The power in relationships can be my god.

My life has revealed the truth that I physically can be separated from the love and presence of my child, my family and friends, my comfortable surroundings and what I WANT.

As much as I desire not to be separated from the love of who I love……I think this is just a symptom of being concerned that SOMETHING OR SOMEONE can separate, cloud or diminish the constant unconditional love from my Father.  Is it chance I received my daily verse this am that reads…..

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels  nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers ( WOW), neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that  is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38  yum

Heather made an anagram to help put the power back where it belongs.

P  Pray…find out who/what has the power in my life.

O  Own it….be real to the fact that I am handing power to those who should not have it.

W   Wrestle it out..It may be a habit or security to allow someone else to control me or my emotions.  Is it God’s best for me?  He invites me to work it all out with fear and trembling. And then I acquiesce….yield without struggle.  More on acquiescing…check out this site from a new friend  http://www.jennrene.com

E  Explore the truth in the Bible.  Phil 2:6-10 shows Christ’s power in humility:

Though He was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God.  He made himself nothing and took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form.  And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal’s death on a cross.  Because of this, God raised him up to the heights of heaven and gave him a name that is above every other name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

 R  Remove the power from the place it does not belong.  God promises to supply all that I need.  He is trustworthy.  This requires humility,  grace and surrender….all of which I lack.  But, I can find peace where the 7 yr old did,    “there is power in the blood, Teacher, there is power in the blood.”

 

7 Ways to Savor Valentine’s Day (and every other day)

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imageIt is February and I love LOVE!  I heart snuggling, red shoes, Valentine candy, the pinks, purples and red icings under the glass counter at Merritt’s Bakery,  glitter and  being known fully… and still loved.  Sending a reply  and our favorite “love song” to my neice’s wedding started this madness.  As I giddily reminded my husband of   “our song, ”  he shook his head and said, “must’ve been one of your other boyfriends.”  My heart stopped for a minute as  I wonder if he is right or has early onset dementia or worse than both…..  WE DON’T HAVE A SONG!   Stayed up late last night and tried to sort it out. I found 7 ways to savor with or without a song.

1.  Quit whining and waiting for love to woo  you.

Really, the smh-ing and “valenwhining” is so last year.  The rants, the “Valentines Sucks” Parties and your bad attitude have not sprinkled anything resembling love, nor does it make you more attractive.  You were 2 yrs old a few years ago, stop the tantrum.   Phil 4:6 says, ” Don’t worry about anything;  instead, pray about everything .  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.”  WOW .  I’ll take a big piece of peace!

2.  Contrast true love and fantasy.

Love is not sex, lacy panties , an enormous armful of fresh tulips, or even the big chocolate filled heart that I admit, I still long for.   Love is not  receiving the perfect card which actually now requires  two cards….one funny and one romantic.   Love is not getting the helicopter date that ends with fireworks nor is it being offerred the final rose in the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.  It is not dying in each other’s arms like in the Notebook or  having a JayZ Beyonce moment at a bar or the Grammys, because  I know by now, love is not the song.  Out of the greatest love story book of all time…

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  or rude.

It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Cor 13

3.  Grieve your lost loves.

You may have buried the love of your life, someone who loved you most or one whom you have given your whole heart.    Your heart may be so  wounded, ignored or abandoned that you have chosen to bury any leftover paper thin dreams that love could ever survive…let alone soar.  Your marriage may seem more like an impossible prison than a sanctuary of beauty.  Go there.  Literally and or figuratively turn in to the cemetery, shut the car off  and sit there.  Be comforted by the realization you are not alone.  The trees whisper hope and the headstones nod understanding.  God sees.  He buried His only.  We grieve with hope.  Mourning goes on for the night, but JOY comes in the morning!  Ps. 30:5

4.  Forgive yourself.

You are unable to love or be loved until you forgive yourself.  The self flagellation is getting old and making you old. Life is hard and you are fully aware of times you didn’t rise to the top.    Did you know punishers expect to be punished themselves?  So if you are not beating on others, you are busy beating yourself.  Let’s put the bats down.  When I read Ps 103:12 that all my sins are forgiven as far as the east is from the west, how dare I pick them up and keep trying to breathe life in and keep the monsters growling?

5.  Be kind to yourself.

You may think EVERYONE has gotten engaged or married in the past 6 months or that your husband was the only man born without the Romance gene.  Who is telling you this?  Not hallmark, or facebook or even your mother.  Look in the mirror, it is your best and worst friend…it is you.  When you look in the mirror, on the scales or in your mailbox and she is telling you why you aren’t loved or lovely , may you have the energy and decency to kick her butt to the curb. We are too valuable to tolerate berating from someone who knows our weak spots.   You know better.  You know truth.  If you cannot find one reason to be kind to yourself, read Psalm 139 and get back to me.

6.  Love too big.  Yep, go crazy.

Shock yourself.  Be merciful to a frenemy.   Choose not to be offended.   Give Valentines and surprises to the non traditional “valentiner.” When you meet a friend for lunch bring gifts, but pick someone else in the restaurant to give it to.  So much giddy joy in the choosing process of the recipient.  Have waiters deliver anonymously.  Leave a  tip in some heart socks…..or with an encouraging note.  Leave treats on doorsteps of friends.    Matt 5:44,  6:4 records words of the biggest gift giver of EVER and FOR ALWAYS…Jesus: ” Love your enemies.  Pray for those who persecute you.  Bless those who curse you and  do good to those who hate you.  ” And not only that, but do it in secret.  Shhhh, anonymously.  The pleasing  aroma that follows you will hint at a greater love than you are capable of producing. You my friend, are loved. Go love big.

7.  Celebrate!  All of February and beyond!

Lick up the present! Pour it over yourself.   Enjoy the moments of today….your singleness, your marriage, your aloneness , your chaos, your breath, the gifts of another hour.

Dance in the kitchen, the shower and the garage.  Turn up your music.  Find a song.  Find songs.

Write love quotes on your mirrors, others car windows and chalk it on some sidewalk.

Pull out the cheesy crepe paper.  In all my 47 years, it has not gone out of style and the price is always right! Decorate doors and front yards and lockers.

Eat themed meals…..all red things, things that start with L, only white food or whatever you can throw together from one shelf off the pantry.

Phil 3:8 gave me the finishing perspective…”Everything is worthless compared to the priceless gain of knowing Jesus Christ.”   Everything.  Every.  Thing.   Which is the best?   Having a song… off the radio or a song in your heart?

My sister will inevitably be the first to respond to this post and include something about my  illness (of which she diagnosed),   PSA affliction.  (Polly Stinking  Anna)  So , I will address it first.  Yes, I have it.  I am a survivor.  I have loved and lost and loved and been spurned and loved and received and I choose today to pry some of those rusty places open and love again!  And I forgive my adorable husband for not knowing our song, and to teach him, I replied  to my neice with , “The Righteous Brothers.  You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.”

“Is this normal?”

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"Wrong"

“Wrong”

“Is this normal?”   I seriously ask myself that question or some variation of it at least 10 times a day.     A friend told me Saturday at “coffee talk” the real question I’m asking myself is , “Am I doing it right?”  Do I have to do the dishes right after dinner?   There are really so many many shades, variations and acceptances of “normal.”  I do admit…..if I’m not doing it ‘right,’ then I feel I  must be doing it tragically “wrong.”   It IS  one or the other in my mind.  She nailed it.    Although, I see the weird, but fabulousness in everyone else I encounter, I am very  judgemental in whether or not I am getting it “right.” What is getting it “right?”  and ps, what is “it?” that I am supposed to be getting right?   I’ve had lots of down and dirty visits with myself and this is what I’ve come up with today. What does right even mean and what does it apply to?  Dictionary.com to the rescue: Right: Accurate, precise, appropriate, fitting, sane, healthy, opposite of left, suitable, and the opposite of right is: inaccurate, imprecise, inadmissible, wrong, inappropriate, unfitting, unsuitable, wrong.  insane, mad, unfit, unhealthy, left. and did I say wrong?   Ugggh, obviously I’d rather be right.  I am 47 years old though, and I am peeking through the fog  at the truth that there may be  few things in life that can be factually cemented into the RIGHT  or WRONG category. Listed below are ways others have  judged me right or wrong:  and yep, I may have back- judged them!!! How and where I worship. The  organization of my home and calendar. Which version of the Bible I read and adore the most. The deodorant I use. How I do the dishes. How much time and money I spend on maintaining a youthful  appearance….the lifestyle lift or no? How I grieve. Whether I homeschool or not. My  opinions in a bookclub……nutty, I know! Whether I wear pants or a dress.. What does any of that have to do with being  accurate, precise, fitting or sane?  Then why do I spend soo much energy on  wondering if I am right or normal?   Truths for the mess: I am made in God’s image…yayyy   I am unique. The only me.  I am weird, but I am fabulous…  My life, habits, inherent likes and dislikes, marriage, worship style, failures, successes, thoughts and purpose is not right or wrong, it is just MINE and different from yours.  And I am grateful. And I am sorry to have treated you like you are wrong.  I am grateful for you and your ways.  You have taught me  beauty and discernment and where to run for truth.    I find this verse as my go to on my right and wrongness in the gray areas:  The Message version Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.  And then I think He smiles when I tuck my dishes in under my favorite dish towel and sneak off to  chat with my girls, watch the Bachelor, or snuggle with my guy.   joy.cMy mom taught me this masterful trick to make the sink beautiful if something better than the dishes came along....friends at the door, game with the kids,  reading, or making out!

Hope, Kisses and New Year Resolutions

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Yay 2014!

As the new year begins, I have observed the “two kinds” of  people in this world are again divided…..those who make resolutions and those who don’t.  Some cleverly shroud it  with religion , “we shouldn’t…. so we don’t have to be wracked with guilt and remorse every Monday, ” or “we should so we can be more organized like God…”  I agree with neither. The reason I get giddy thinking of writing resolutions is due to the bubbling hope that rises as my list grows.   Hope comes each morning, on a Monday , on the first of the month and at the NEW YEAR! I am so grateful God knew I would need new beginnings, re-dos, start overs and try agains.   Fresh snow, clean slates and  white paper practically beg to be tromped on and delight in wearing scribbled beauty.  My friend Heather, says  “hope is a feather without shoes.”  It floats and cannot be grounded.

Hope..what is it?  I despair when my heart overflows with jagged glass of  broken relationships, soppy sponges of diverted dreams, fragile flowers of answered prayers,  and blue cotton candy memories.  Alone,  I can’t separate the mess,  reject the disgustingness or even savor the sweet things.  I grasp for hope. I looked up in my favorite book all the different Greek and Hebrew  meanings of hope and want to share the goodness:

a cord, as an attachment /  expectancy/  place of refuge, safety/  scrutinize, of watching, to expect w hope, tarry, view, wait/ to move slowly, glide/ be sluggish, restful, quiet, strength,

All of those things are HOPE.  I thought it was more passive and milk toast slimey…  the ‘just wait while twiddling my thumbs and wish for the best’ behavior. See the action in those  hope words above! Not just looking, but scrutinizing and  expecting! Not just  sitting, but moving slowly in safety, gliding in strength, a restful sluggishness.  That is the hope I want!  The most delicious part is the cord, as an attachment… First comes to mind is a dear baby attached to his mama with the umbilical cord of life.  Christ left us with that attachment to the Holy Spirit, as our comforter and guide  when he returned to heaven. The moments of hopelessness in life, love, dieting, finances, illness, loneliness and pain exaggerate our need for a Hope giver.

I have a hope giver and list of resolutions.  I am choosing to put action to my wishes.  Yep, you can ask me about them as the year progresses…

1.  Make bed every am.

2.  Make and do a monthly challenge for PicMed patients.

3.  Walk around the neighborhood bc I have legs.

4.  Write 15 min + every day.

5.  Wear retainer every night.

6.  Keep pills in pill reminder.

7.  Kiss my man 1 whole minute each day.

8.  Pay off debt fully by Jan 2014.

9.  Word and thought study on HOPE and FEAR this year.

10. Refresh self with resolutions each am and evening..(posted by my bed)

And for those of you worrying about my soon to arrive guilt….I’ve already made my bed this year more times than all of last year!  And I am thoroughly enjoying those long kisses.  There is hope for me…and you..

joy.c.

 

Welcome to WBF Conversations!

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Wow….it has been awhile…The fire was re-lit today at The Church at Battlecreek, Pastor Alex Himaya  blew on the embers of my heart when he ended his sermon with a question

  What was the last thing God asked you to do?  Have you done it?


 My answer is..
writing heart thoughts about scripture and life in this blog .
and
NO.
I started in 2009 and it seems that since I committed to it by making a blog address, ( which literally took me hours due to my non computer love and lack of skills  ) I have found every excuse known NOT to do it.

The endless excuse  list begins with

*What do I have to say?
*I have nothing to say.
*Who cares what I have to say.
*I don’t even care to say it, its hard to be committed to anything.
*By the time I want to talk about it, something else has happened.
*My kids are so sassy, I should be spending more time nagging them.
*I think I’ll watch tv.
*I should clean.
*I must have misinterpreted the Holy Spirit prompt to do Weird But Fabulous anyway.
EEEEERRRRRCH.

I should’ve stopped right then and spanked myself.  A  conversation with  one of my favorite people etched deeply into my heart bobbed to the surface. Nearing the 5th or 6th time this question came up,  I asked  Dr. H, ” But , Doctor, What if I think the words or instructions are from Him and they really aren’t?”

“Cori, Jesus didn’t die to leave you a weak Holy Spirit. I have no doubt you hear from the Lord, but then you take a vote.”  

 Ouch.  I do  take a vote from my family,  heart friends, fickle friends, acquaintances and people I wouldn’t even ask for plant care…. as well as the  other voices in my head regarding  leading from……. the Master of the Universe.  Hmmmm .  Color me embarrassed as I write this.  But life is about overcoming, right.  And taking the next step.  So, WBF conversations with some of my buddies  is my next step.

Some of my fave most “close to heaven” experiences (besides that  incredible marriage sex happening that comes out of nowhere….or heaven)  come from talking God and life with friends and fam.  Coffee talk.  Whether or not coffee is involved .   Real life stuff.  Most times laughing and /or crying, expressions of  regret, frustration, fear of ability to “do it right”, courage,angst and always resolution.  Don’t misunderstand me saying the issues always get resolved, because they don’t.  As King David’s  Psalms end with  acknowledgement in my words, “Yes, you are God, I am not. After all this pleading, and crying and fear and heartache and disappointment,   I put my heart and life back in your hands, because I trust you and what you have planned for my life.  Really, I do”

Often our talks have the same themes that began with Eve….Is this enough or is there something better out there? Are we truly loved for who we are? etc. etc.  You will love meeting Heather a talented, witty writer friend I met a couple years ago in Tulsa with a passion for God and a love of words,  and Tammy, my roommate from Tabor College back in the late 80’s.  She is creative beyond belief with themes and decorating and events and color and style, she loves Jesus and good coffee and trusts both to meet all her needs ( not to the same degree…) And a couple other friends I havent  officially asked yet to play!  But I will…  So, invite your friends to our chat and may it stimulate intimacy and beauty in your life.

So topic for today…
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What was the last thing God asked you to do?  Have you done it?


Ask him if you can’t remember.  He loves intimate conversations with you and will stir your heart to move.  Pastor reminded us of what we already know to do as we listen… Love God, love others, talk about Jesus.